Mother’s Day Emotions

By: Erin Wellman

Mother’s Day can be a bag of mixed bag of emotions. Growing up Mother’s Day meant homemade cards and trying really hard not to fight with my sister on that day because “that’s what mom would want”. I would make a card and find a fake flower that had been stored away from the year before, just to give her a something to show her I was trying to celebrate her. But then I grew up and got married I started thinking about Mother’s Day a little differently. I don’t know if it’s because I have a different perspective on life in general, but I now try to acknowledge the many different feelings and celebrations, or lack thereof, that can take place on a day like Mother’s Day.

For me, I grew up with an awesome mom. She was my number 1 fan and attended every extracurricular activity I was involved in. She sacrificed so much to allow me to do activities I was passionate about. She worked full time to pay bills and do something she was passionate about as well, teaching. She showed me how to love others unconditionally and she was always someone people could count on. What a blessing it was for me to have such a great example. I've experienced gratefulness on Mother's Day.

I also remember the joy I had celebrating my grandma, another amazing woman in my life.  Most years we would go over after church and pick her up only to go stand in a long line at a restaurant just so the moms wouldn't have to cook on that day. I laugh because for years I worked at one of my grandma's favorite restaurants. It was all hands-on deck for Mother's Day because it was a favorite for a lot of other grandma's too. I would stand behind the counter for hours watching mothers, grandmothers and kids laughing, smiling and enjoying each other's company, even though it would have been way quicker and probably less stressful in the end to stay home that day. But that's what women like to do for each other. We figure out ways to celebrate each other and in a way that doesn't put someone out in preparing for that day of celebration. I've experienced joy on Mother's Day.

My husband also had a great example of a mom. He was one of 5 kids and his mom home schooled each one of them until college. When they were older, she began a catering company to tap into her hidden talents, and got involved in her church community, reaching the underprivileged around the Syracuse area. I was very blessed to have a close relationship with my mother in law and was always impressed with how she treated me like one of her own kids when I married into her family. However, just a few years ago I experienced the loss of my mother in law to cancer. This makes Mother’s Day a little bit sad as my husband doesn't have a mom to even send a card to anymore.  I've experienced grieving on Mother's Day.

6 years ago, I became a mom for the first time. I remember the anticipation of getting pregnant. I remember everything about those 9 months. I was fortunate to have a healthy pregnancy, working out and running until the week he was born. I had a healthy baby boy and I did what almost every mom did with their first, tried to figure out what it being a mom meant. I've experienced adjustment to a new life on Mother's Day.

A couple years later we wanted more kids. 15 weeks into that pregnancy I experienced something no mom wants to experience. My baby that I had carried for 15 weeks and my innocence of pregnancy were gone. The guilt that flooded over me was indescribable as I tried to wrap my mind around losing a baby. I've experienced mourning on Mother's Day. 

I have watched friends and family take on the role of being a mom through fostering or adoption. I have seen the joy they have been able to experience welcoming children into their lives.  However, I have also experienced the heartache they have had saying goodbye to those moving on to a new family or situation. I've experienced hesitation on Mother's Day.

So, on a day like Mother's Day, I would ask that we acknowledge all of the different emotions that can be brought up because of the different circumstances. It is a day to celebrate, grieve, experience new beginnings and mourn losses. It's a day to be praying for those who long for the day to be a mom and thank those who have taken on that role in whatever capacity. It's a day to acknowledge all the emotions that can come up on Mother's Day and being okay with whatever those are.