A True Blue Christmas … New Traditions After Loss

By: June Owens

Tis the season for holiday cheer but if you are like me, this may be the furthest thing from your mind at the moment. My husband’s Dad passed away this year and I’ve been just muddling along telling myself that if we keep traditions as they were, people will simply have to suck it up and enjoy themselves. Right? But for me and many who have lost a loved one, this will be a true blue Christmas. That’s okay. There will be sadness. That’s okay. I do count it a win, however, that we’ve come to the actual realization in these past weeks that holidays will simply never be the same. And, that okay, too. He’s gone, we have memories to share and new traditions to create like the ones that follow to carry his love on in big ways. 

· New Home Base … Christmas was always hosted at their home because Dad was unable to be out and about. We’ve decided it’s time the younger generation steps up and hosts holiday gatherings at their place. God must’ve had a guiding hand in that because my daughter just (rather unexpectedly) purchased a new home this month that she can’t wait to share it with the family. 

· Holiday Play List … Dad always loved the Stanley Brothers and even had a great story of how he met them on a road trip. I learned about this during his last few weeks in hospice and it’s a story I will always treasure. We have decided to intertwine their music with our usual holiday songs this year. The music will just be played in the background throughout the day to remind us that his love remains a strong force in our lives. 

· Remembrance Ornaments … Decorations always added a twinkle to Dad’s eye and we will be inviting family members to bring an ornament that specifically reminds them of him to hang on the tree this year. This will be a special moment for the younger family members as his great grandchildren are already on the search for the perfect one. And, we’re still deciding on how this tradition carries on, whether the same ornaments get hung on that tree from here on out, maybe they go back to the tree of the family who purchased them, or perhaps we create a specific memory tree for them to be added to each year. We shall see how this one evolves. 

· Holiday Dish … Dad tried a new brussel sprout casserole his granddaughter made about five years ago and his lips puckered as he made a whistle sound asking “whewie, who got hold of the hot sauce?” Though brussels were never one of his faves, he asked her every Thanksgiving and Christmas since if she was making it and reminded her to hold the spice on his, with that same look and whistle from years ago. This has now been dubbed “Bob’s Brussels” and will be on the menu each and every year. 

We all know kids are kids and they may not, nor should they be, necessarily grieving amidst the bright holiday lights, stockings, toys, and more. But one thing we’ve all decided, yes us adults too, is that we don’t ever want to feel guilty about enjoying the holidays, because that equates to not honoring the essence of who Dad was. There is a time to remember and we will indeed as we also honor him by focusing on the family still here in our presence and how we best create memory making moments that will last throughout their lifetime. It’s a work in progress. I can’t say it will get easier, but we will get stronger … just like Dad always planned!